Saturday, April 14, 2012


It's weird how life works sometimes. there will always be ups and downs, and just when i started to ride the ups i found myself feeling down. i don't know why, and no part of me can even begin to explain it, but i just feel down right now... it sucks but i guess that's life. i get a lot of compliments for who i am as a human being, a soul of this earth, but i think i find myself longing for the simpler less sophisticated pleasures as well. im not a big fan of when people call me deep. i think im well rounded. i need both ends of the pool, the ocean and the shore. i feel somewhat ashamed having this desire but at the same time i accept the fact that i am only human, and it is what it is. anywho, that isn't the point of this post. i was looking through some old music theory books in my basement and i came across my dad's yearbook... i found it strange because i had never seen it before and he has never brought it up or shown me. i looked inside to some of the signatures and ive never heard of any of these people. i found it very unsettling when i compared it back to my yearbook from last year. everybody who had signed it i love so much. its just such a scary thought to think that that REALLY IS only the first chapter. that MY LIFE will be defined not by anything i have already done, but everything that is yet to come. i won't know 99% of the people i went to high school or college with, and it just reinforces how scary of a place life can be sometimes. right now, sometimes it just feels like im still on summer vacation. that one day the class of 2011 will all just go back to school once more like we always have, but that isn't the case. we are really off on our own now. and while im really happy we're all off on our own now its a really sad thing to think back on, realizing that you can't see your friends everyday anymore, that life isn't such a playground anymore. the idea of a legacy scares me. that what i will be remembered for isn't who i am right now. fuck. current emotions: scared shitless.

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