Monday, December 19, 2011


“There's nothing to mourn about death any more than there is to mourn about the growing of a flower. What is terrible is not death but the lives people live or don't live up until their death. They don't honor their own lives, they piss on their lives. They shit them away. Dumb fuckers. They concentrate too much on fucking, movies, money, family, fucking. Their minds are full of cotton. They swallow God without thinking, they swallow country without thinking. Soon they forget how to think, they let others think for them. Their brains are stuffed with cotton. They look ugly, they talk ugly, they walk ugly. Play them the great music of the centuries and they can't hear it. Most people's deaths are a sham. There's nothing left to die.”
Charles Bukowski

Thursday, December 15, 2011

An Artist With No Tools.

So many times I find myself just wishing I could express myself the way I want to. Through art, through music, through visuals and thought. Without the tools to give yourself justice it brings your spirit down. The only self-reflection that I have is what comes out of me. If nothing is coming out of me then I am exactly that, nothing. Nothing is more frustrating than to not be able to express what is on the inside. We are all such beautiful human beings on the inside, but what the fuck is it good for if there is nobody to see it? I'm so sick of living from just within myself. Nobody should have to be the only ones who can see who they truly are. Everybody's got a lot in them. Everybody deserves to get it out. No exception over here.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Not What It Looks Like. (The Plan)

Sorry about this post guys. Its an essay I had to write for class, but it had some points that I feel strongly about, especially how I'm majoring in communication and everybody assumes that its the verbal kind but its anything but. I think one of the most beautiful things in this world is to be able to communicate without using spoken language, but rather to convey feelings and emotion through various art forms. The depth in which we understand reality becomes a whole lot deeper when indulged in music and art, than simply just words. Here ya go:

When one is entering into the field of communication, it is often assumed that they are there to simply study either verbal or written communication from one source to another. Public relations and social work come to mind, while making speeches and persuading others for a living seem to be in a communication major's near future. This is not at all why I chose to be a communication major. Central Connecticut State University is only my first step along the way. I plan to transfer to Marist, Ithaca, or preferably Emerson after one year here to major in Cinematography and Videography, cinematography being “bringing a story to life visually,” (1) and videography being video production whilst bringing “imagination and artistry to their videos.” (2) My dream is to work for ESPN, and I want to change the way we view the sporting world. I want to convey the way we watch sports as more than just an event, but a moment that those who are watching will never forget.

The foundation of my career has officially begun at Central Connecticut State University. Entering in as a freshman for the fall semester was a very large step in my life. With college kicking off I was no longer just a student, but a student with a focus on a particular area of work which happened to be communication. In high school, you couldn't find a student who was as sure as I was about my intended major. The only field I wanted to be involved in was communication and there was no other way. I never knew what I wanted to do much past that however. Often times I had heard the debate of whether to be in front of the camera, or behind the camera and at the time, I would have been very content with either one. Nothing has changed from that time, considering I still would be very pleased with being in front of, or behind a camera in the process of making a living, however what has changed from high school, is that I now have a preference. While being a journalist or an anchor would be an exhilarating experience to say the least, I was meant to be behind the camera. Controlling what people see and how they view it, is a gift that only few can possess. It would be honor to let others in on how I view the world, because I feel that the more perspectives we have on a matter or an event, the better we can fully understand it.

My first step to reaching my intended career at Central is ironically enough, getting out of Central. Yes, Central has a fine communication program, but over the course of my time here I have already noticed something that doesn't fit well with me. The program here specializes much more in the public relations side of things than the media and multimedia side. Now I never had any intention of staying my entire four years a Central and still do not. I am aiming to graduate from a school that can put me in a position of success fresh out of college, something I do not believe that Central can offer me in the field of communication. My number one transfer school Emerson, has exactly what Central doesn't. The reputation, the equipment, and the ghastly tuition covering up the reason I am attending CCSU in the first place. Once I successfully transfer into the school of my graduation, college will become a lot more fun for me. No longer will I have to worry about my immediate future, and I will have a lot of the gritty general education work behind me. At the new school of my graduation I will be able to focus heavily upon my major because the classes that I will be taking will be mostly ones relating to my major. This is because, while intending to transfer out of Central, the credits don't always transfer over all too well, requiring myself to set up a schedule that doesn't necessarily fit best with my intended major, but sets myself up best for the long run in terms of transferring out. I feel that once I am out and on to studying the subjects in which I have also shown a passion for, school will no longer feel like school. Learning will no longer be a drag, and I will be deeply inspired to explore the new opportunities that I have at my new school. Another bonus will be the people I am working with. At Central, it really is a melting pot. This however isn't always a bad thing unless of course you are like me and know exactly what you would like to accomplish in your future. Because of the fact I'm applying to a film school, naturally I am rather excited to be working around other young minds who share a passion for expression through video as I do. Instead of being made fun of by someone who does not share the same passion, odds are encouragement will be offered and work can be products of an enlightened point of view, rather than one that has been discouraged time and time again. The atmosphere of which I will be working in the future is something I greatly look forward to.

After graduation of my next school comes the more complicated part. What I do post-college really depends on where I end up transferring to from Central. If I do indeed end up going to Emerson, chances are I will have it pretty easy. Emerson College has quite the name and their students are almost guaranteed decent paying jobs right after college. “The number of Emerson graduates who have not only found work in the entertainment industry, but are wielding significant influence, has exploded in the worlds of television, film, the Web, and publishing.” (3) Odds are I will find a small company in the Boston area doing some production work and latch on to them for awhile and slowly build my name. The short term goal here isn't the money, it's the experience, and the reputation building. The long term goal coming out of a school like Emerson would be to work at a major corporation such as a Pixar, Dreamworks, or Columbia to name a few. Unfortunately ESPN does not require such a vast knowledge of Cinematography to work for them because there is much less of a place for that in the world of sports. However if this is the case, I will remain persistent with them and see if I can get my foot in the door any way possible. It is safe to say that my options are wide open coming out of Emerson. Now if that situation doesn't work out, or if I choose to go down a different path for whatever reason, I always have Marist and Ithaca as my back up plan. Both schools are in upstate New York, and at both I would major in Sports Communications, something Emerson does not offer to their students. I figure out of either of these schools, after graduation I would try and get a job doing something involving sports, whether its an internship with a team, or a broadcasting company. I am lucky enough to have just landed a job with Foothills Media Group as a local sports writer and will be covering many basketball games in the Farmington Valley this winter. My own boss Dan Podheiser an Emerson graduate himself claims that “Students are much more well off after getting an education involving a lot of work in the field, rather than just time in the class.” After graduation I will need some small jobs to build up my resume, especially if I plan on doing video work for ESPN. The experience I have will allow me to go where I want to go.

Sunday, December 4, 2011


When I was very young and barely even in grade school, it was my dream to be a professional athlete. The reason truthfully enough was never the money or the fame. I was in love with the game of basketball, everything about it. It became my life, and those who knew me then could testify to this. At this age that everyone had incredibly unrealistic dreams. As I grew older, I looked around at my little town. Everybody seemed to have given up on themselves and their big elaborate plans they had laid out earlier in life. I was still determined to do what I had set out to do. And then it really hit me. I wanted to become what I set out to become to prove to everyone around me that it could be done. I wanted to leave a legacy in my town for generations to come, so that when a kid growing up started to lose faith in himself, he could look to me as a source of inspiration to keep going, that it could be done. I wanted to do the impossible so that others that came after me believed that they could to. This drived my entire existence. As I grew even older, I soon saw even my own dreams begin to fade. I referred to this sensation as becoming a "victim of broken dreams" and that the good majority of us were victims. My dream to inspire people did not fade however, it just became harder to find ways to do so. Now, I realized a lot of things through sports, but they can easily be translated into other fields of life. In my early years of high school, I was always a really good athlete, but I never had felt comfortable on any teams. There was always such a pressure to act a certain way, play a certain role, and it always left me feeling very out of place, silently continuing my work and not making a big deal of it. However in my last few years of high school, things changed. I was now in charge of the teams that I had played a smaller role on my whole life. I was a captain, and I now had voice to control what I wanted. Little did anybody know, the only thing that I had ever wanted, was no control. I had realized along the way, that the best of teams were the ones that didn't set rules for each other. When I was a captain, my main priority was to let everybody be who they really were. While some thought I wasn't vocal enough as a captain sometimes, I just thought to myself, just let me be me. Let everyone be who they really are. After awhile everyone actually was becoming who they really were. We as a whole, had learned to love each other for the people that we were, instead of the people that we were supposed to be. This made us into more than just a team, but a family, one that I can go to whenever I need, because to them I can just be me, and there is nothing more beautiful. Yes people aren't perfect, thanks for letting me know that, you think I haven't fucking figured that out yet? We all have our insecurities and flaws and annoyances, but they are part of what makes up the human equation. Let them be, and life becomes just a little more beautiful. Be you, and let others be themselves. Slowly this world will take on a whole new identity of individualism. But because of this individualism, the connection between the individuals will grow much stronger. Acceptance will be through the roof, and peace will be much more prominent in a world where being yourself is almost the last thing that any of us are.