Monday, April 23, 2012

Stitched Up

a good friend of mine came to me awhile back, and wanted me to write a song about some stuff in her life. so naturally i was really excited about it because i love listening and trying to portray things as i see fit. i love when people give me song ideas and tell me stories because i really get to walk in their shoes for a bit. so she just let out a shitton of shit basically and i went to town sorting through it all. i like how it came out i think. its kind of the story of a girl whos struggled with relationships and its being told from the point of view of a lifelong friend WAY down the road. again, the only people who sees these are you and the band. feel fortunate. hope you enjoy! heres the lyrics too:

Have you ever had a friendship that lasted for life?
However nothin passed that I already got me a wife.
Two peas in a pod and the tightest of tight,
Standing the test of time.

Back in school I was a secret admirer of such,
but the only secrets were the ones that were shared between us,
hearing love stories every tale of two hearts,
it was enough for me.

She had long brown hair with such beautiful eyes,
never had luck with the right type of guys,
I couldn't ever figure out how she remained all together,
but ignorance is bliss it was probably for the better

she said,
Hey hey,
im gonna float along today,
nothin in this world can bring me down right now,
and everything is gonna be okay.

I just want the world to know,
that my heart is stitched up and its more than enough,
everything is gonna be okay, hey hey.

I saw first hand when she was left broken hearted,
by her first true love who said “till death do us part” and,
thats when I held her close and said she'd always be my star,
and that'll never change.

Seven months later she was at it again,
this time much more careful with a well devised plan,
but she couldn't shake the spotlight couldn't get outta the sun,
and I just stood by.

(Bridge two)
It was habits and hardships, trials and tribulations,
workin everyday without a single paid vacation,
they say its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all,
a smile across my face every time she'd call


Everything is gonna be okay
Everything is gonna be okay
Everything is gonna be okay
Everything is gonna be okay

Everything is gonna be okay
Everything is gonna be okay
Everything is gonna be okay

Everything is gonna be okay
Everything is gonna be okay
Everything is gonna be okay
Everything is gonna be okay

Everything is gonna be okay
Everything is gonna be okay
Everything is gonna be okay
Everything is gonna be okay



wait. before you read. listen to this.
okay now read...

I'm about a month away from being able to play out. Once I knock down Ancora I will have a set list of about an hour long and I can extend it whenever I please. When I do it'll be a weird vindication for me. I'll be playing along while people talk, or eat dinner, or do whatever else they are doing. It's rare that a pianist gets paid attention to in these settings. Typically deemed as background music, but I think it'll be rather symbolic of my life. I think there's a lot to me, and a lot inside of me, without many or even anybody seeing it. So while I'm playing everything that's inside of me, I will continue to be ignored. While it obviously hurts, I think I'm going to enjoy it quite a bit. It'll almost be like a secret with myself that only I know what I am playing while everybody else remains oblivious. That connection with oneself is very important to me. Some might think it's weird but I always talk to myself and make jokes with myself, ones that only I can understand. This will just be one of those jokes. Very stoked about the potential of this being a summer job.

Possible set list:

Opening - Phillip Glass
Monday - Ludovico Einaudi
Human Qualities - Explosions In The Sky
Nuvole Bianche - Ludovico Einaudi
Fly - Ludovico Einaudi
Arctic Light - Marika Takeuchi
Ritonnare - Ludovico Einaudi
Avril 14th - Aphex Twin
Oltremare - Ludovico Einaudi
I Can't Make You Love Me - Bonnie Raitt (Bon Iver Version)
Divinere - Ludovico Einaudi
Nanou 2 - Aphex Twin
Ancora - Ludovico Einaudi
Facades - Phillip Glass

#1 Fan

It's funny. I've encountered two very different species of human beings over the last few months. One, being the positive, the other being the negative. For awhile however I was surrounded by only the negative. Because I was surrounded by a lack of diversity of thoughts and opinions, it became almost impossible for me to see the world through any other perspective. Being put last on someone's priority list certainly doesn't feel good. However being the only other perspective other than my own, I believed it with every bit of my soul. I believed that my mere existence was less important than schooling, working, being social.... the list goes on. While this naturally put me in quite the depression because my spirit and soul were consistently being degraded, I also buckled down and went to work. I reread one of my posts from back in November and I had said that I had a lot inside of me, but nothing to show for it. It makes me happy now because I have quite a bit to show for it now, and it's only been a few months since then. The big difference between now and then is that I have people around me that support what I do, on such a level that they want to be a part of it themselves. These are the positive people. These are the people that need to clone themselves to make the world a better place. I am also blessed because I got the chance to see both ends of it. Being so unappreciated allows me to appreciate the appreciation that is being shot my way these days. It's still kind of humorous to me at how fast it all happened. At one point sitting around watching tv was more important than helping me out a job that was previously agreed upon. Now my current surroundings are truly supporting me. People are truly taking their own personal time to just to have my back, and the best part of it is, is that it's not because they want to have my back, but it's because they actually like what I'm doing. Instead of being thrown on the back burner, people are driving for hours, skipping art classes, skipping school classes, asking to be involved themselves, and it makes me feel like I actually matter. I am also well aware of the fact that nothing I produce is as good as it can be, and by that I mean that every aspect of my life right now is a work in progress. So when somebody likes something of mine, I'm honored because they either like it at its current state, or what they think it will eventually become, leading me to believe that they have invested a great deal of trust in me to do something with it. It's such a weird feeling to be around someone who doesn't care about the big achievements in my life, the highlights, the best of the best, and then to be around people who care about every little detail... some of my bizarre ideas, what I'm doing at every single moment, what I had for lunch, if I even had lunch. What constantly runs through my mind, is how people can care so little about someone. That's not what this world is for. This world was made so that we can interact, and support, and love. Everyone should be everyone else's #1 fan. Taking our own time to support those we love, as well as those we do not is crucial. Everyone deserves to feel loved, to feel cared about, and to feel important.

We are all important.

I firmly believe that even if somebody is not doing something that is anything spectacular quite yet, the impression of interest along with a little encouragement will go a long way, and could really make something special. You never know what might turn into something great. That being said, there is no point in putting people down and making them feel bad. There is no room for hate. There is no room for you.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Fairytale Commandments

Another song for the upcoming EP...

Five days 'till the weekend, mixed with madmen and fools.
Obey the kings and queens, and you're playin' to lose.
Searchin' for clues, solvin' mysteries.
So lace up your shoes, and dare to believe.

And just
Kick back, find your own path, slow down and watch the stars go round,
Be careful what you wish for even though you'll never get it.
Oceans so blue, caves so deep, there's no faith without the leap,
Wish upon a magic carpet ride, yeah I said it.

Once upon a time, we lived happily ever after.
Dragons wearin' Ray Bans with a goblin on a goul.
Clowns blowin' up balloon animals (ann-EE-Mells), a princess with a dress of pastelles,
Makin love to frog lips, just don't play by the rules.


And just
Kick back, find your own path, slow down and watch the stars go round,
Be careful what you wish for even though you'll never get it.
Oceans so blue, caves so deep, there's no faith without the leap,
Wish upon a magic carpet ride, yeah I said it.

Coda (outro):
when there's more graffiti on desks, then hair on your chest, 
make the choice between a pug and a teacher's pest,
just don't play by the rules.
just don't play by the rules.
just don't play by the rules.
just don't play by the rules.

Friday, April 20, 2012


It doesn't have to be much. It can be a smell prancing around in the breeze, or the look in someone's eye. Every once in awhile a trigger will be set off in your mind and you will feel a memory so vivid it's almost as if you're there for a split second. Then you're right back. Back to the now. The truth is, as you grow older the life ahead of you begins to fade. Well, not fade but shorten. An impending death is creeping up on you every second, life begins to pick up pace and before you know it, there's more of it behind you than you ever could have imagined. One of the hardest concepts to accept in one's life is that what once was, is no longer. Naturally, it is quite saddening to live in a time that no longer exists. To reminisce so deeply that you feel everything you once felt as if it were real, and the now. The realization that the reminiscence is not reality is mental murder. Memories fading, contemplating what's real and what's dream, appreciate the present and let it slip through the seams, because life moves faster than light beams, and while I may have none of that answers, my insecurities burn through me like a cancer, I can only hope that someone holds the master scheme. What the fuck is time. 

Saturday, April 14, 2012

johann sebastian.

a few weeks back, one of my best friends came over to my house. we grabbed some food from the kitchen and headed to my basement and were just having a conversation nothing out of the ordinary. i started playing random shit on the keyboard because of my add but we continued to talk and it was almost like a soundtrack to the conversation. i'll be the first to admit that my friend doesn't have the best of reputations, and while some of that may be deserved, im kind of different when it comes to that. i see in him what nobody else sees and how amazing of a person he truly is. i love being around him because i feel like some of what im about has rubbed off on him. we've always been good friends but we've gotten to be best friends in the past year and he's grown a tremendous amount since then. most importantly a level of trust has been gained between us like none other, and i know he's got my back just as much as i have his. so mid-conversation we were talking about one of his past relationships, and out of nowhere he just bursts into tears and he can't even form words anymore. i just sat their broken hearted because i knew exactly what he was going through and i knew there was nothing i could say to make him feel better. but i made clear to him, that theres nothing to be embarrassed of, that i cried all the time about the same shit, and i think it's such a beautiful emotion, so to just keep going if he wanted. he was able to keep talking and i was just sitting their listening to everything he was saying, not really saying all too much, because there wasn't much for me to say, i wanted to focus on his perspective, and i don't say too much either haha. sometimes people think im shy but im really not, moreso just efficient, i like to get the point across without abusing my allotted time to speak ya know? anywho, he went on and on and i was interested in every detail, and this conversation lasted for about 2 hours. at the end i felt so honored that he could trust me with everything like that, it was a lot for a kid to go through but he'll never know how proud of him i am for it. the next night we went out to grab some food to eat, and he had said he wanted me to just talk like he did. and i wasn't very sure of myself because i never am, and that he'd help me through if i needed it. so i just started talking, and soon enough i couldn't stop. like he had done with me, i was just telling him everything in vivid detail about my life. ive never just let everything out as easily as i did, especially in person, there was just so much to go through. when all was said and done, my story lasted from 10pm-4am. it was easily one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and it really felt good. i desire to have conversations like that SO much more often now. ive felt cooped up inside my own mind and body for too long, and its SO good to share myself. i think its a really common misunderstanding with me. i like to share everything with a lot of people now, and i think i get looked at sort of negatively or being unappreciative at times because i share a lot of personal stuff that most people wouldn't. but what most people don't understand about me is that, i've gone through the majority of my life with nobody to share ANYTHING with. all of these feelings and emotions were just shoved inside of me with no way to get out, and now that theyre starting to get out it's just like a waterfall. so yeah, when someone appreciates me i'm gonna want to share that appreciation with the world. ive felt so unappreciated for so long that i just wanna scream it to everyone. i want to share that happiness. with everyone. when someone said they loved me i wanted to just show everyone because i wanted to share my happiness with everyone. and when people were happy for me and im happy for them it is literally the most amazing feeling in the world. words cannot describe. happiness is only real when shared, as is any other emotion. i just want people to understand why i do what i do, and why i am who i am. i grew up with so few connections, and so few outlets, that it's just pouring out of me now. forgive me if i come across as being shallow or an unappreciative whore, but i want more than anything to simply feel with this world. i want my heart to beat with the core of the earth.


It's weird how life works sometimes. there will always be ups and downs, and just when i started to ride the ups i found myself feeling down. i don't know why, and no part of me can even begin to explain it, but i just feel down right now... it sucks but i guess that's life. i get a lot of compliments for who i am as a human being, a soul of this earth, but i think i find myself longing for the simpler less sophisticated pleasures as well. im not a big fan of when people call me deep. i think im well rounded. i need both ends of the pool, the ocean and the shore. i feel somewhat ashamed having this desire but at the same time i accept the fact that i am only human, and it is what it is. anywho, that isn't the point of this post. i was looking through some old music theory books in my basement and i came across my dad's yearbook... i found it strange because i had never seen it before and he has never brought it up or shown me. i looked inside to some of the signatures and ive never heard of any of these people. i found it very unsettling when i compared it back to my yearbook from last year. everybody who had signed it i love so much. its just such a scary thought to think that that REALLY IS only the first chapter. that MY LIFE will be defined not by anything i have already done, but everything that is yet to come. i won't know 99% of the people i went to high school or college with, and it just reinforces how scary of a place life can be sometimes. right now, sometimes it just feels like im still on summer vacation. that one day the class of 2011 will all just go back to school once more like we always have, but that isn't the case. we are really off on our own now. and while im really happy we're all off on our own now its a really sad thing to think back on, realizing that you can't see your friends everyday anymore, that life isn't such a playground anymore. the idea of a legacy scares me. that what i will be remembered for isn't who i am right now. fuck. current emotions: scared shitless.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Traffic Lights

been workin on a new song for a few weeks now. easily the most complex thing ive ever written musically and im really content with how i finally pieced it together. it was also one of the tougher songs to write lyrically but with enough inspiration anything can happen. it was inspired by my life, as well as a few others that ive had some REALLY good conversations with recently. its funny when theyre talking to me, sometimes they don't even realize what theyre saying, but i hear it, and im like "shit that was beautiful, that could definitely be in a song" and ill keep a mental note of it in my head and write it down when i get the chance. but to keep a long story short, this was inspired by my life, or some of my friend's lives and i like that, because it keeps the story real, and when i write i strive to always have everything feel as real as possible. i titled it 'traffic lights' because i started writing this on the way home from my cousin's wedding. at the time i felt so alone and even though i had my parents in the car in the front seats, it was just me in the back trying to zone out to some music with a pad and paper. i felt like the only thing i had was the traffic lights and because we were riding through the city. i think that's one of the stronger concepts in the song, the fact that we may not always be where we want to be (somewhere with stars) but the fact that we have to make due and make the best of what we have (wishing upon the traffic lights). i could go into a lot of detail about every lyric line by line but i won't do that to you. if you want to know tho feel free to ask and id be more than happy to explain where each came from and what it means, because yes every word in each of my songs has a story. i take A LOT of pride in everything i write. the following link is what i'll show the band to kind of let them know what im looking for in the song and so they can feel the emotion of it. we do this for all our songs but ill post them here because i love you guys and i love the fact that i can just share anything here. obviously its not the final version because me with my shitty voice is singing and the recording of the instruments was very on the fly. so timings are off EVERYWHERE hahaha. but i hope you get the general feel and more than anything i hope you enjoy!! the lyrics are in the description so follow along if you'd like...

Friday, April 6, 2012


a weird thought came upon me right now... at 4:15am... it seems that most of my deeper thinking comes when im alone... and into the wee hours of the morning. but theres been a whirlwind of new feelings and emotions in my head in the past week. its been absolutely nuts. so often i just dont feel like Evan, and i dont think ive ever been farther away from figuring out who i really am. i dont really mind it either but thats irrelevant. keeping this short and sweet, my point is that i feel like ive been reborn. but then i thought what if i was never born in the first place. or... more logically, what if i was only PHYSICALLY born at 3:33am on february 2nd,1993... but mentally and spiritually born only a few days ago. i think that to truly be born, we have to be free, and truly walking our own path in life. for so long, ive always followed in the footsteps of parents, siblings, friends, role models, whoever. and who hasn't... itd be weird if i didnt do that. but while i physically existed, i was never truly just... me. as uncomfortable as i feel all the time to be finally walking in my own path, it also provides a great sense of satisfaction knowing that i am finally carrying out my life exactly how life is supposed to be carried out. my final thought is: you are not born on your birthday, you are born when there is not a single soul leading you on your path of life.

Monday, April 2, 2012

You Only Live Once

I know it's a joke. I know it's just for fun. I know I'll probably take some backlash for this because of those two reasons alone. However it's something I feel too strongly about to not bring up, especially when I have an identical notion imprinted on my back. Do you realize how you come off when you intentionally do something ignorant and then scream YOLO? Behavior such as this should not be tolerated or condoned on any level. You have one damn life. Live it. Don't waste it away finding every excuse you can to act like a fool and lead mindless parades of people to do the very same. To the people who actually do go around with obnoxious intentions, I would really love to know what's going on in your mind, and no I'm not being sarcastic. Just take a few seconds and realize what life would be like if something happened to your best friend, or a family member, or a significant other. Would YOLO mean something different then? Nothing about this is pessimistic. I'm not saying something will happen, I'm saying that something will happen eventually because everyone moves on, and why not appreciate every little moment of life? Life is beautiful, but what you people are doing to it is very very ugly. "Fun is the end result of hard work, everything else is cheap entertainment. Is cheap entertainment important? Yes, within limitations." To those who know that quote, I already know you understand it to its full meaning. To those of you who don't, learn it, know it, understand it. Carrying out a foolish actions and then screaming YOLO afterwords to give an unjust action any justification at all is cheap entertainment. Have fun. Real fun. Put the time and effort into life and get something back for it. Make someone's day, write a paper, learn an instrument, save a friendship, and please dear god know your limitations. Trust me, it's a lot more satisfying than running around like a wild banshee just begging to be put into a daycare program. You only live once so live and let live. Quit mocking those you actually seek life, a true existence. Appreciate the little things in life, and then appreciate the moments that are even smaller than that. It's not just a lyric, but something much more. Unfortunately for humanity, a bunch of rather unintelligent people misinterpreted the meaning entirely. They decided to use it as an excuse for ignorance and not a lesson to appreciate. If you don't understand this, then I send my deepest apology your way. Life is not one big blob of existence. It is orchestrated of billions and billions of very minuscule moments all leading our individual souls on one magnificent journey. Without an appreciation for each moment, life is rendered meaningless. Don't do that to yourself... why would you?