Saturday, April 14, 2012
a few weeks back, one of my best friends came over to my house. we grabbed some food from the kitchen and headed to my basement and were just having a conversation nothing out of the ordinary. i started playing random shit on the keyboard because of my add but we continued to talk and it was almost like a soundtrack to the conversation. i'll be the first to admit that my friend doesn't have the best of reputations, and while some of that may be deserved, im kind of different when it comes to that. i see in him what nobody else sees and how amazing of a person he truly is. i love being around him because i feel like some of what im about has rubbed off on him. we've always been good friends but we've gotten to be best friends in the past year and he's grown a tremendous amount since then. most importantly a level of trust has been gained between us like none other, and i know he's got my back just as much as i have his. so mid-conversation we were talking about one of his past relationships, and out of nowhere he just bursts into tears and he can't even form words anymore. i just sat their broken hearted because i knew exactly what he was going through and i knew there was nothing i could say to make him feel better. but i made clear to him, that theres nothing to be embarrassed of, that i cried all the time about the same shit, and i think it's such a beautiful emotion, so to just keep going if he wanted. he was able to keep talking and i was just sitting their listening to everything he was saying, not really saying all too much, because there wasn't much for me to say, i wanted to focus on his perspective, and i don't say too much either haha. sometimes people think im shy but im really not, moreso just efficient, i like to get the point across without abusing my allotted time to speak ya know? anywho, he went on and on and i was interested in every detail, and this conversation lasted for about 2 hours. at the end i felt so honored that he could trust me with everything like that, it was a lot for a kid to go through but he'll never know how proud of him i am for it. the next night we went out to grab some food to eat, and he had said he wanted me to just talk like he did. and i wasn't very sure of myself because i never am, and that he'd help me through if i needed it. so i just started talking, and soon enough i couldn't stop. like he had done with me, i was just telling him everything in vivid detail about my life. ive never just let everything out as easily as i did, especially in person, there was just so much to go through. when all was said and done, my story lasted from 10pm-4am. it was easily one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and it really felt good. i desire to have conversations like that SO much more often now. ive felt cooped up inside my own mind and body for too long, and its SO good to share myself. i think its a really common misunderstanding with me. i like to share everything with a lot of people now, and i think i get looked at sort of negatively or being unappreciative at times because i share a lot of personal stuff that most people wouldn't. but what most people don't understand about me is that, i've gone through the majority of my life with nobody to share ANYTHING with. all of these feelings and emotions were just shoved inside of me with no way to get out, and now that theyre starting to get out it's just like a waterfall. so yeah, when someone appreciates me i'm gonna want to share that appreciation with the world. ive felt so unappreciated for so long that i just wanna scream it to everyone. i want to share that happiness. with everyone. when someone said they loved me i wanted to just show everyone because i wanted to share my happiness with everyone. and when people were happy for me and im happy for them it is literally the most amazing feeling in the world. words cannot describe. happiness is only real when shared, as is any other emotion. i just want people to understand why i do what i do, and why i am who i am. i grew up with so few connections, and so few outlets, that it's just pouring out of me now. forgive me if i come across as being shallow or an unappreciative whore, but i want more than anything to simply feel with this world. i want my heart to beat with the core of the earth.
Posted by Evan Camporeale at 1:04 AM