Monday, March 12, 2012

the hardest part

my entire perception of the world is changed right now. the most painful thing has got to be seeing love all around me, but not in me. watching a couple hold hands, or kiss, or just laugh with each other. its just something i wish i could have back in my life because it is such a raw happiness that i've only been able to feel with her. and i know i'm not going to get it back but it doesn't make it hurt any less. i just can't help but to think that we could be just like them, but we're simply not for reasons i'll never be able to either fully explain or comprehend. people aren't aware of how good i am at hiding emotions. the first few days i couldn't even finish my sentences without starting to cry. i locked myself in rooms because i was too embarrassed at what had happened. people think im handling the whole situation really well, but that's the scariest part for me. deep down i'm feeling worse than those first few days. i've lost contact with any emotions. everything feels so numb to me and ive never felt this disconnected from the world. unfortunately for me, she has no idea what she's done to me. she's committed murder in every which way except for that of the physical. nobody understands that the only person who can help me is her, but she remains the most unwilling. as she keeps running away, i keep dying, a slow, painful death.


  1. I can relate too much to your life. And from my own experience, I know there's absolutely nothing anyone can say that will even remotely change anything inside of you. All I can say is I've been there in a way, and I get it. Sorry, man.

  2. i am sorry right back. nobody should have to feel this way. it's not something i'd wish on my worst enemy and clearly you are the farthest thing from that.