Tuesday, June 12, 2012

once in a blue moon.

so many times i get made fun of, or questioned, or simply just looked at with a sense of confusion. it confusing to me because if im not always pursuing a women, all of my friends simply think that im hiding something from them. your answer is no, its just that our priorities are not at all the same. my greatest aspirations will not be interrupted by the basic pleasures of life. the st important lesson i learned in high school (not because it was told to me, but because i lived it) is that 'fun is the end result of hard work, everything else is just cheap entertainment.' however it was often brought up that cheap entertainment is indeed needed, and that is what this blog post is for. its something i rarely think about or even concern myself with because there is so much more in this world than simple pleasures, but yeah they are nice sometimes and yes once in a blue moon it does get to me. however it is certainly something i have grown to get used to as well. i've been called ugly and goofy the majority of my life and i specifically remember times throughout school when i merely touched an article of clothing or brushed against someone by accident and had people muttering to their friends about how they need to burn their clothing or take a very long shower to be clean again. in a way i am thankful because i've hardened up and its made me realize the more important aspects of life, but it still comes around to get me every once in awhile. on nights like these i think about how often i try not to let it bug me, or how little meaning it has in my life, and how it came to be. its like one of these days its just gonna swallow me up. a compilation of all the shallow desires ive ever had will finally come back to eat me. it makes me angry that this gets to me but it does. i dont know why. i dont have an explanation for it. im not even necessarily looking for one. but we'll come back to that later. its really made me into who i am though. i am possibly the least touchy person you'll ever meet because im too afraid that i'll get practically yelled at (or the equivalent in some other form). its just gets really hard to live with every once in awhile. thats all. the ironic part is that everyone comes to ME with their boy/girl problems. well... not everyone, but someone is ALWAYS coming up to me for advice or just to let all of their shit out on. every time i hear a story about how a boyfriend is fucking other chicks, or some guy is using you for your good looks, or your girl doesn't always go down on you when you want you to, im just caught thinking to myself like 'damn man, im 19, in college, and when every other guy and girl seems to be as horny as possibly can be, i just see so far beyond that. it has such a small signifigance in my life. but it still has some.' the problem is when i do desire something of that variety i do not even know where to begin. it sucks. most of the time i dont give a shit. most of the time if not all of the time its not even worth it. its just something i needed to get out. something that bothers me more than it should. its just part of breaking out of the norms that society has placed for us. its hard, but its a growing process. however, regardless of what society tells me i should be doing, its something that is still desired once in a navy crescent. unfortunately its nothing i can do anything about, and i guess we'll see how things go as time moves on. nothing to get down about, just a flee on the windsh

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